What Plays In My Head

 

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See Matt & Toby live in a living room near you. www.mattandtobyinmylivingroom.com

Hello All!  We are posting a video of the song “What Plays In My Head” from the new Matt & Toby record coming out November 20th! (Shameless plug noted)  I also wanted to post the lyrics and write the meaning behind the song to go along with the video.  We’ll be doing more things like videos, cover songs, interviews, and things that we think you’ll enjoy or just think plain cool in the future as well.  So come back every 5 minutes and see what we’ve done.( Shameless Unlearning plug and bad joke noted as well)

 

“What Plays in My Head” was one of the first songs written musically but the lyrics came several months later.  This song is the most aggressive track on the album and I wanted heavier lyrics to match it’s more forthright intensity.  During this time one of Joey’s (Joey who writes for this blog) best friends passed away in a car crash, leaving a wife and children.  He was in his thirties and it was and still is incredibly tough for his family and friends.  After we heard the news I went for a walk and began contemplating the overwhelming weight of losing your spouse along with all the emotions, decisions, and grieving that a person might go through. I felt heartbroken with just those thoughts, so I can’t imagine living through the loss. I in no way can or could understand the pain a husband, wife, children, family, or friends go through with the death of a loved one, but I allowed myself to think about where I would go emotionally and mentally if I were to lose Jess.  

I realized that I (and I mean I alone) would be so angry.  I would be mad at God and in some ways I might even blame Jess for leaving me, even though she had no control over the end of her life. In the songs lyrics I create a story about a car crash to match the musical tone and then allowed myself to write some my strongest lyrics ever.  As much as I want to trust God, I know that at times I don’t or even worse, won’t; and it leads me to realize that Jess, family and safety can be an idol in my life.  Once again I want to clarify that these are my thoughts and do not reflect our friend’s family or his passing.  God used a terrible sitaution to help me be honest about some things in my life and to begin working through them to hopefully to trust Him more, through the help of the Holy Spirit.  At the end of the song, Matt and I write about the things we might remember about our wives and the dark thought of “God taking me too.” The song closes out by expressing our desire to lean on God now and in the future and at the same time, highlights a natural human fear and sadness being shared with Him so that He can take the weight and carry us at our weakest.

 

What Play’s in My Head

I felt the car crash, it happened so fast
I thought that I would never catch my breath again
The dangling seat belts, the burning fuel smells,
You were saying that the blood would stain your dress
And then…
I thought back to New Years night
The angry words, the awful fight
We suffer for our sins, I’ve suffered for my sins
You were so scared, that’s thing I most remember
The way your hand felt in mine, I wish I still could
I want you to know, what happened when I lost you
I wish you could feel, this aching that’s replaced you
So here among these gathered few
With hardened hearts and empty pews
I pray that this will too pass and leave
That I could be a man of faith
In this quiet home that we both made
And tell our son and daughter I believe
In God…
Oh Oh the worst is, those things we manage
Don’t let yourself cry in front of the kids
And I’m so exhausted, that I think I’ve lost it
6 months ago I had it all
I thought back to New Years night
The angry words, the awful fight
We suffer for our sins, I’ve suffered for my sins
You were so scared, that’s thing I most remember
The way your hand felt in mine, I wish I still could
I want you to know, what happened when I lost you
I wish you could feel, this aching that’s replaced you
So here among these gathered few
With hardened hearts and empty pews
I pray that this will too pass and leave
That I could be a man of faith
In this quiet home that we both made
And tell our son and daughter I believe
In God…
Early in morning, sitting on the couch beside you
And Ike is staring at your face
Ruby softly asks me for blankets and cartoons
Why would that be what plays in my head
Reggie scratched the front door and I told you stay put
And you just continued to sing Less Than Jake
But the moment that I returned
You sprang from our back room
Why would that be what plays in my head
If Your hand could take her, please take me too

What do you think?

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